Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving and the Holidays....a time of joy and stress

So I'm going off topic here alittle for this post.  Sorry for all those who are curious about my weightloss and healthy lifestyle update.  Here is a little niblet for ya.  I may have not been able to get to the gym but I have lost about 20 lbs. and several inches.  Don't ask me how many, just enough for my clothes to either fit better or feel way baggy.  There, hope that satisfies you till I get my crap together again, which should be within the next few days.  Yes, it will happen during the holidays as crazy as that may seem.

But whats on my heart at this time of year is all the challenges of life and all the emotions that one goes through.  Excitement of the holidays and time with family, all the great food, gifts.  But that isn't what my heart is feeling.  It truely is experiencing thankfulness and gratitude of God's blessings on me.  I have been given so much and I have been taken it all for granted.  So what am I thankful for, you are asking.  Well here it goes.

1.  I'm thankful for my God.  How did I ever get through life without you?  Thank you for your love, strength, patience and grace and mercy towards a bonehead like me.  I know I will never live up to your standards, God, but I pray I can make a better effort at truely being your child.

2.  I'm thankful for my family, especially my mom.  12 years ago when I moved back home, I never dreamed up how close we would become.  I guess God did.  I love her with all my heart, even in the times she makes me want to pull my hair out.  I wouldn't have her any other way and don't even want to think what my life will be like when it is her time to be reunited with my father.  I love how my relationship with my sister has grown from her being my caregiver to being my sister and my friend.  I am thankful that my brother, who for the longest time still saw me as the little girl who he left behind when he left home, now sees me as the adult I am.  And to all my extended family, we may be disfunctional but we are loyal and there when we really need each other.

3.  A warm home.  It's not fancy and doesn't have all the ameneties new homes have but its comfortable and it's mine, completely paid for.  Thank you mom and dad for all the hard work you had to do to make this happen.

4.  I am employed!!!!  After weeks of stress wondering if at the end of this month I would still have a job, I made the cut and can breath a sigh of relief.  My prayers for those who were let go.  God has greater things planned for you. 

5.  To all my friends, if I have ever made you feel taken for granted, I apologize.  We all know I'm very comfortable and happy in my time by myself.  But know that I cherish you and love you as if you were my family.  You guys were part of God's plan to resurrect me from the pits of evil I dwelled in for so long.  Thank you for being bright shining stars in my life.

6.  I'm thankful for my trainer.  That is right, I said my trainer, the crazy lady that I pay to torture me.  She has helped me get so far already and know she has helped me get my poop in a group and get my life back.

Really the list could go on forever if I really sat long enough to think about it.  So I challenge you all, think about what blessings God has bestowed on you.  Don't take simple things for granted.  Love life, love others, love God.  Be what He has destined you to be.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I Swear I Haven't Dropped Off The Face Of The Earth!!!

Ok, so it has been waaaaay too long since I've updated this.  It is amazing how just when you think life is going to get back to normal, all heck breaks loose and just getting sleep seems a challange.  So where do I start?

First of all I am still working out but not nearly as often as I would like to.  Work has been busy and it is impossible to get to the gym after long hours at work.  I won't give up, but have learned to also prioritize.  Soon I'll be lucky to get 32 hrs. a week so I figure I better work while there is work.

Diet has been a challange, as it always is.  The trainer has now challanged me to eat little or no carbs for at least 2 days a week.  Basically go a day without potatoes, rice, cereal, bread or pasta-type things.  Have I mentioned I LOVE these things.  And to try to get enough different ideas that are quick because I don't have alot of time at work to eat.  Can we say total suckage????  But I have managed to do it.  It's all to help get weight loss going.

The next questions I'm sure you all have is have I see any results.  They may not be huge but its enough to keep me going.  I've only loss about 20 lbs. but there are inches missing to me.  Clothes fit better, I feel better.  My workouts are getting harder.  Rachel(the trainer) says I'm progressing and she loves how hard I work when I do get a workout in.  Do I love working out yet, no.  But I feel better when I do.  It seems like I'm getting control on life more when I get into a routine.

Keep praying and I'll hopefully be more regular with my posts.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Seriously, what was I thinking????

"O Lord, how many are my foes!  How many rise up against me!  Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver her."  But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  Arise, O Lord!  Deliver me, O my God!  Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.  From the Lord comes deliverance.  May your blessing be on your people."  - Psalm 3 (NIV)



So I was sitting at Harp and Bowl tonight reading the book of Psalms, when I hit chapter 3.  As I read, it totally reminded me of what has been sustaining me all these weeks.  My foes (obesity, self-hatred and self destruction, wanting to just give up) overwhelm me and "rise up against me."  But God has sheltered me, shielded me from their evil ability to suck me into the pits of despair.  The Lord truly does sustain me in this battle.

As for how things are going, well lets just say the last two weeks have a theme song.  I don't know how many of you will remember the song "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba.  But the chorus is kind of how things have been going.  "I get knocked down, but I get up again.  Never gonna get me own!"  So mainly its been the "I get knocked down" part.  Last week was crazy.  We worked 50 hrs. at work, choir started Monday night, I was going to start going to bible study again Tuesday night, Thursday night through Sunday was YATEC.  Who has time for the gym?!?!?!?!?!?  I barely had time to sleep.  Between Thursday night and Sunday I barely got 12-15 hrs. of sleep.  Basic human function was a challenge much less exercise.  On the plus side, I did very well with my eating over the weekend.  There was not much junk food entering this body over a weekend full of treats and goodies.  So now I have begun the "get back up again" part.  I met with my trainer yesterday and received a new workout.  It pretty much kicked by butt but I will get it.  No saying I can't or she'll make it worse.

I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself "seriously, what was I thinking????"  I'm doing things that I never thought I would do, eating things I never thought I would.  I'm being conscious about how much fiber and protein and how many calories things are.  I get discouraged with myself and just want to quit.  But how can I do that?  You have all encouraged me and pushed me and you lift me up.  God is using all of you to help me get through this.  He is truly a faithful father to his beloved ones.  If any of you are saying "Yeah, that's great for you Kim, but I just don't have that kind of will power or determination," you are just lying to yourself.  You have it.  Its called faith in Christ and His love and faithfulness to your joy and happiness.  Don't just exist but live life!!!
 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Why does a bump in the road feel like a brick wall??

So I am into what, week 6 or 7 of this new routine.  I'd like to say I've been successful but I'm hitting a wall.  Sometimes I swear I have adult ADD.  As much as I know its for the best, I am so ready to quit.  That, my friends, is not an option.  This isn't a temporary thing.  This is a life change and I just need to keep going.  Admittedly, I haven't been working as hard as I did at the start.  But I'm not giving up.  I can do this!!!
I am continually amazed at the comments people are giving me.  I haven't felt this loved in a very long time.  A couple of years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night.  Like Samuel, I waited and listened for what God had to tell me.  It was this simple.  You do not have to do this alone.  I will help you.  All you need to do is just surrender it to me.  I will give you strength when you feel weak.  I will give you all the success you deserve.  I want you to be happy.  You are precious to me.  Now its time for you to believe that.

So here I am today.  Maybe not being a superstar, but I keep going on.  I haven't given up and I will push forward.  Because the reward is more then worth the work and effort and pain.  It's life!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Glowing like the sun!!!

Week 5 begins with these words...."My shins are killing me!!!!!!!"  I am assuming you can guess that the running thing is going well.  Lets just say my body is very upset with me about the things I'm doing to it at the gym.  No pain, no gain right???  I must be gaining leaps and bounds then.  I'm not sure what God has planned for me though all this but whatever it is, I hope I'm going to love it!!  I don't even know how I'm maintained my motivation this long.  One thing that does help though is the owner/manager of the gym is an amazing support and encouragement.  "Kim...You're a rock star.  I saw you running over there.  You rock!!!"  He makes me laugh.  Yesterday he said "Women don't sweat at Snap, the glisten"  I responded with "Then I must be glowing like the sun!!!"  Then it was "I wish Kim was here all the time for my silly sayings."  to which I answered, "Kyle, I'm here 5 days a week, I can't come much more than that."

So here comes a confession.  I really enjoy my gym time.  Now I didn't say I enjoy exercising.  I enjoy my gym time.  I work out all the crap of the day and when I''m done I'm too tired to care about the crap that happened that day.  I just put on my iPod and do my workout.  As far as I'm concerned there isn't anyone else there but me.  I haven't lost anymore weight but I haven't been too strict  with my eating.  Plus I may be building muscle.  One thing for sure is I've become a gym junkie.  It just doesn't seem right if I haven't been there.  This could be a good thing, who knows!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Moving down, moving down the road!!!

Beginning of week 4 started with a very excited trainer.  I had some successes to share with her and it had been 2 weeks since I'd seen her.  First of all I am now officially 13 lbs. lighter.  I feel so much better.  I think alot of it is how good I feel about myself with the whole sticking to it and putting forth the effort.  I'm starting to see results!  Secondly, on Saturday I was feeling sleepy and really wanted a nap.  So I went to the gym instead.  For a second there I had to double check the mirror cause I didn't know who that girl was who wanted to go to the gym.  Certainly not the Kimmy that I nor anyone else knows.  So big things are happening and I'm more motivated then ever.  I'm learning to live a healthy, normal life and it feels wonderful.

I also received a new workout.  I'm starting to do some machine work as well as cardio.  I'm even jumping rope.  Let me tell you, if you want a good sight, see a 35 year old fat woman try to jump rope.  Its been I think almost 20 years since I've jumped rope.  So after I untangled my feet, I finally got my 20 in.  I'm also starting to work on the turkey waddle.  Now, you ladies know what I'm talking about.  You know when you raise your arms and that flab that hangs below your bicep.  Yeah, the turkey waddle.  I'm also doing some ab work.  I think I may have put a rib out.  But I will grin and bear it and keep on going.  And lastly, we added interval cardio.  So if you are wondering what that is, its when you fast walk for 1 minute then run for 30 seconds.  I do this for 5 minutes.  Today was my first day of doing it and I was pretty confident my heart was going to explode after 3 minutes.  Oh I have no doubt I am giving all those body building boys a good laugh and some great entertainment but I really don't care.  At least I'm doing it and giving it my all.  They don't like it they can just pucker up and kiss my white tookus.  Bring on the pain!!!!!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Progress.....whether I like it or not

So I am finishing up my third week of regular exercise and cutting back on what I eat.  Let me share with you that despite what some have told me, I have not come to love exercising.  I loathe every minute of it.  But God has been there holding my hand and pushing me forward and definately been keeping my ambition high.  I feel great once I get started, but it is a bear to get going.  It is getting easier, so its time for a new workout.  That was suppose to happen at the beginning of this week, but thanks to my work schedule I couldn't meet with my trainer this week.  Monday brings new challanges.  I am looking forward to see what she has for me.

Now my diet isn't perfect.  I still eat the things I like.  I've just learned to eat better things more often and the things that were daily staples are now occassional or considerably less.  I have lost a few pounds and definately feel better.  My sleeping habits are much improved.  I barely move at all now and I was a pretty active sleeper.  The greatest thing about this experience so far has been the overwhelming support I am getting.  From coworkers, my mom, my friends, even people I don't see regularly but my mom does are encouraging me.  God is definately making sure I succeed.  He is holding my hand every step and His loving words of encouragement flood my heart. 

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The first week of a hard climb

So the first week of working out is complete.  After Tuesday, I had to take a couple days off.  I could hardly move.  My poor body was not happy with what I was putting it through.  Granted the 100 degree heat indexes did not help motivate me to work out after work.  I managed my 4 workouts and it got easier the more I did it.  I do have one bain on my workout existance.  



This machine and I are not getting along very well.  This by far is the worst part of the workout.  I feel like the most uncoordinated person in the world on this thing.  But I make sure I am at the gym alone or mostly alone when I'm doing this workout.  I may feel better but its not pretty to watch.  I am doing good though according to my trainer.  Next week, new workout.  It may require coordination.  I may be in trouble.  Lets all pray this doesn't end in a trip to the hospital.

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Journey

For many  years now I have struggled with my self-image and self-confidence.  Most of it all stems from the world's view of what is acceptable for an outward appearance.  I'm not tall, skinny or even remotely in healthy shape.  I am overweight and my insecurities grow everyday because of it.  I find it impossible to love myself because here God gave me this gift of life and a beautiful body and I've done nothing but abuse it.  But that time of abuse has come to an end.  In a couple days I start work with a personal trainer.  When I went in for my physical fitness assessment, I was catogorized as "Physical fitness intervention needed immediately!"  Really?!?!?!  I didn't need her help to figure that one out.  Why do you think I am at this gym to begin with lady??  I was kind enough to warn her there will be alot of complaining, sarcasm and I'm pretty sure I may not be very nice to her at first.  She said that was fine as long as I don't say I can't.  Truth is I don't have a choice.  If I don't make changes I will not live to an old age.  God has not put me here to waste my life feeling sorry for myself.  He has given me the will to be the Kim He has created and loved and cherishes.  And so begins the road to new life.  Hope you are ready for the ride.  It could definately be a wild one!!!