Seriously, what was I thinking????

"O Lord, how many are my foes!  How many rise up against me!  Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver her."  But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  Arise, O Lord!  Deliver me, O my God!  Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.  From the Lord comes deliverance.  May your blessing be on your people."  - Psalm 3 (NIV)



So I was sitting at Harp and Bowl tonight reading the book of Psalms, when I hit chapter 3.  As I read, it totally reminded me of what has been sustaining me all these weeks.  My foes (obesity, self-hatred and self destruction, wanting to just give up) overwhelm me and "rise up against me."  But God has sheltered me, shielded me from their evil ability to suck me into the pits of despair.  The Lord truly does sustain me in this battle.

As for how things are going, well lets just say the last two weeks have a theme song.  I don't know how many of you will remember the song "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba.  But the chorus is kind of how things have been going.  "I get knocked down, but I get up again.  Never gonna get me own!"  So mainly its been the "I get knocked down" part.  Last week was crazy.  We worked 50 hrs. at work, choir started Monday night, I was going to start going to bible study again Tuesday night, Thursday night through Sunday was YATEC.  Who has time for the gym?!?!?!?!?!?  I barely had time to sleep.  Between Thursday night and Sunday I barely got 12-15 hrs. of sleep.  Basic human function was a challenge much less exercise.  On the plus side, I did very well with my eating over the weekend.  There was not much junk food entering this body over a weekend full of treats and goodies.  So now I have begun the "get back up again" part.  I met with my trainer yesterday and received a new workout.  It pretty much kicked by butt but I will get it.  No saying I can't or she'll make it worse.

I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself "seriously, what was I thinking????"  I'm doing things that I never thought I would do, eating things I never thought I would.  I'm being conscious about how much fiber and protein and how many calories things are.  I get discouraged with myself and just want to quit.  But how can I do that?  You have all encouraged me and pushed me and you lift me up.  God is using all of you to help me get through this.  He is truly a faithful father to his beloved ones.  If any of you are saying "Yeah, that's great for you Kim, but I just don't have that kind of will power or determination," you are just lying to yourself.  You have it.  Its called faith in Christ and His love and faithfulness to your joy and happiness.  Don't just exist but live life!!!